Friday, November 15, 2013

Would you?

I did something brave today. Or stupid. It really depends on who you talk to. I put my two weeks in at my day job. In the coming weeks I will be working to transition into my new role of full-time freelance artist.

This decision wasn't made lightly, nor on short notice. This past year I've been fortunate enough to attend art shows, garner a following and take on new clients who have steady work for me. Some even within the Austin area. I signed my first art licensing agreement for my pendant designs. I am wholesaling to Dragon's Lair and, in the future, a company that travels to cons around the USA selling buttons. My lip balms are selling shockingly well. I've already got plans for new products and art pieces for 2014.

There will be pitfalls and setbacks. It's probable that I will need to take on a part time job here and there to supplement. But I'm no longer content to wrestle with The Conflict. The Conflict: where I eat, sleep and positively live for my creative endeavors, yet I find myself 9 hours a day doing something completely opposite, something that doesn't line up with who I really feel I am. Square peg, round hole, day in, day out.

And, "Tough," they say. "That's life," they say. "Welcome to adulthood," they continue to say. And they're not wrong. We do what we have to in order to survive - that is reality, and don't I know it. But I find myself in a rare position where the stars have all of the sudden up and aligned. I want to take the chance. I want to see what could happen if I put 100% of my effort and time into my work, the work that really matters to me.

And the cool thing is, it's not an all or nothing deal. If it doesn't work this time, I'll rally and I'll try again. And again, and again, till I figure it out. You want something bad enough, you figure out a way. I made and packaged lip balm till 3 AM this morning, filled orders till 4, and I'm waking up early to Skype with one of my freelance clients, then make a lip balm delivery and then go into work to talk with HR. You just. Bloody. Find a way.

If you were to ask me right now if I'm scared, I won't lie. I'm terrified. You can ask my husband. Who, by the way, has backed me 100% in this and has offered some very grounding, solid advice during this emotional time. But I'm going to try this out, while I'm still young and stupid and full of dreams.

I've got a chance to change my fate. Let's see how this goes.